That is immigration. All TV stations are filled with news about Syrian immigrants crossing from Turkey to Germany. Yes, it is Europe — where you can have a future full of beautiful life with freedom and security. The news is covering both people making it to Europe on one hand and on the other hand people drowning in the Mediterranean. However, the dreams of a good future for my kids kept bad thoughts about potential failure away from me. I cannot drown as I am a good swimmer.
However, there is a barrier, which is fear — the fear of my mother and wife from what they see on TV of floating drowned bodies landing on the coast of Italy or Turkey, depending on where there are heading. My wife insists on going with me and sharing the same destiny, even if that means death. “I cannot stay here alone while you are sacrificing your life and enduring the journey from hell. We can all go together with the kids and face the same destiny with you — to die or have a brighter future.”
After several attempts by my wife, I was convinced to take my family through this journey that is known as “the journey of death” as called by immigrants. While preparing documents such as passports, I heard in the news and social media about the capsizing of a boat in the Aegean sea after it set off from Turkey. What attracted my attention were the pictures of a toddler named Eylan El Kurdi wearing a red sweater and jean shorts. For a second I thought that was my son because of the similarity in their appearance. Even my son said when he saw the news that he thought he had fallen down — thinking it was him.
My eyes were filled with tears and I started the rethinking the journey. Was the same destiny be awaiting my kids? Of course no. All what I want is to secure their future, but they do not know how to swim and maybe that will happen to them. After much thinking, I went back to my original plan to travel alone without my family. My wife was also convinced of this after what she had seen on TV. I got all my papers ready — even a permit from the Jordanian authorities, which stated that if I leave the country I will not be able to come back. My destination was Turkey.
Thursday October 15, 2015 was my last night in Jordan, and my closest family, including my grandmother, came to say goodbye to me. We stayed up late as this was my goodbye journey to the unknown. It was a sad night filled with sorrow to see a family member leave — especially since I am the first child in my family and that their first joy.
Age: 26
Country of Origin: Syria
Host Country: Germany
Civil Status: Married to Alaa, with two children (wife and children in Jordan)