My father’s words had a great impact on me and I remember them while standing on the border between Jordan and Syria. Tears were running down my face as I was crying for my family, my country and my baby’s bed that was made by Oudai. On what do I have to cry among all refugees? My peers went in front of me as I went under the border fence.
I tried to hide my tears and strengthened myself, going in front of Oudai to show him that I wasn’t afraid. We were going to the unknown but I didn’t care because i’m not scared. “I’m holding your hand and whatever happens at this point, I don’t care because I love you”, I said to Oudai. We continued our route and they put us in a tent on the border.
The Jordanian Border police told us not to worry and that they were our second home. The killings and deaths had ended and that their weapons were empty. They gave us food and water, but I didn’t want it. I didn’t feel anything. I left all my feelings behind. The only pain and fear were about my son and Oudai who had opened my eyes to love and warm feelings.
They took us in a big bus and told us that now we were going to enter Jordan (Al-Sarhan Square), an area bordering Daraa. The trip took three hours. There were lots of people — kids were crying and wounds were hurting. It was an unforgettable moment. When we entered Al-Sarhan Square, they put us in an another tent and told us that in the morning we would be in Al Zaatari Camp.
I didn’t know what ‘camp’ meant — I was thinking houses, walls and cement. When we got there, the sun hadn’t come up yet. It was on January 20, 2013 that they brought me into Jordan. I began to see a white, big and wide spot from afar. I thought it could be white colored plants or greenhouses. I didn’t know what it was till I got closer and closer, and they sent us in through a big door: UNHCR. I asked Oudai, “What is this, a jail? Are they going to imprison us?”
He told me “No. The driver said ‘the Al-Zaatari Camp welcomes you”’ What is this strange thing, I thought. Here I felt as though my life was going to end.
To be continued…
Age: 26
Country of origin: Syria
Civil status: Married to Oudai (in Germany), two children
Current residence: Jordan